Want to know the secret of a great sandwich? It’s all in the bread to filling ratio. OK, so maybe there’s a bit more to it than that, but I see so many people fail at this most basic level.

This is the hearty snack to make when you just don’t know what you want.

Ready

• Breaded chicken schnitzel — yeah, you could make it yourself, but this is an “I need something now” kinda thing
• 2 slices of bread — whatever you have just good and fresh and definitely not processed Bread™
• Butter
• 2 leaves of crisp lettuce, shredded
• 8 or so thin slices of cucumber
• Half an avocado, sliced
• Squeeze of lemon juice
• 2 grinds of black pepper
• Mayo
• 2 slices of medium to strong cheddar cheese
• A chunk of Spanish onion, thinly sliced
• Ketchup or BBQ sauce

Set

• Small oven dish
• Board
• Flashy, infeasibly long sandwich knife (optional)
• 2 napkins

Go

1. Before you worry about anything else get that schnitzel in the oven according to the instructions (usually 15 to 20 mins at 425°F).
2. Prepare all the other ingredients.
3. Butter one slice of bread.
4. Lay on the cucumber, lettuce, avocado in that order
5. Squeeze the lemon juice over the avocado — enough to cover, but not dripping.
6. Grind the pepper and squirt the mayo (or spread it with a knife if you realize your glass jar isn’t the squeezy bottle I had in mind).
7. Just before the schnitzel is ready, lay the cheese on top and cook for another minute.
8. Gently place the schnitzel atop your mound, cheese side up.
9. Lay on the onions and cover with ketchup or BBQ sauce.
10. Close with the other slice of bread.
11. Now is the time to go to that draw and pull out the knife you use for no other purpose and teach that sandwich who’s the daddy.
12. Carefully transfer to a plate and devour.
13. On no account may you clear up before you eat… in case that wasn’t obvious.

What you should know

Never eat this after you have changed to go out. The two napkins was a clue.